THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 1
8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
In a flight of idiocy, Clark decides to kidnap Lana from her wedding.
8:30 NBC THE OFFICE
Meee-OW! Karen finally confronts Pam on her past with Jim. Activate... CLAWS!
10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM
Debut! America's favorite potty-mouthed Jewess gets her own sitcom!
FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 2
9:00 CBS SUPER BOWL'S GREATEST COMMERCIALS
Host Daisy Fuentes (remember her?) introduces the best of Super Bowl ads. Hey Daisy! WASSSSSUUUUUP?
SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 3
8:00 ABC WORLD'S GREATEST SPORTS BLOOPERS
Dropped balls, hilarious tumbles, and O.J. Simpson murdering his wife. (Okay... fine. ALLEGEDLY.)
9:00 ABC ANCHORMAN: THE LEGEND OF RON BURGUNDY—Movie
(2004) An actually FUNNY flick starring Will Ferrell as a '70s newscaster whose job is threatened by... a woman?!?
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 4
5:00 CBS SUPER BOWL
Some team named "the Bears" are playing some other team called "the Colts." Sounds cute!
8:00 CBS CRIMINAL MINDS
The detectives investigate a murder at a Super Bowl party. Now, there's a coincidence...
MONDAY, FEBRUARY 5
9:00 FOX 24
Jack struggles with terrorists blowing up nuclear bombs and his father, who's a real prick.
9:00 NBC HEROES
Claire goes searching for her biological mom... in a trailer park? Ew.
TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 6
8:00 NBC DATELINE NBC
another "To Catch a Predator" episode! How many perverts are out there anyway?
9:00 CW VERONICA MARS
The college slut is slipped a "morning-after" pill—and is mysteriously upset about it.
WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7
10:00 ABC LOST
Return! Lost is back, and we'll finally find out if... waitasecond. What is this show about again?