THURSDAY, MARCH 22
8:00 CW SMALLVILLE
Clark rips off his shirt to join a cage-fighting tournament. (Ooh! Just like Ryan from The O.C. except with super powers!)
9:30 NBC ANDY BARKER, P.I.
When Andy's client dies on the golf course, NBC decides to cancel the show.
FRIDAY, MARCH 23
8:00 FAM BRING IT ON—Movie
(2000) It's an interracial smackdown when honky and black cheerleading teams go head to head!
10:00 VH1 DEPARTMENT OF ACCEPTABLE MEDIA
Debut! Improv actors (including Jack Black) perform in a series of sitcom pilots to see which one sucks the least.
SATURDAY, MARCH 24
9:00 NBC ROBOCOP—Movie
(1987) Paul Verhoeven's classic sci-fi flick about a cyborg cop that opens up a can of whup-ass on his creators!
SUNDAY, MARCH 25
8:00 TNT KILL BILL: VOLS. 1 & 2—Movie
(2003-4) It's back-to-back awesomeness when a woman assassin takes revenge on her backstabbing prick of a boss!
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
Season Finale! The poop hits the fan when the trial of Dr. Baltar comes to its creepy conclusion!
MONDAY, MARCH 26
8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS
If you love to wager, they are currently taking bets at bodog.com whether or not Heather Mills' leg will fall off. I'M NOT JOKING.
9:00 FOX 24
Jack and Mike Doyle (Ricky Schroeder) argue over who is the better torturer.
TUESDAY, MARCH 27
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
It's down to the top 10—be sure to visit votefortheworst.com and then... vote for the worst!
10:00 ABC GREAT AMERICAN DREAM VOTE
Debut! Donny Osmond hosts this show, which fulfills viewers' dreams. Tonight: a bald guy gets a toupee.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 28
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
Two fashion mavens drop by to tell the girls they dress like shit.
10:00 ABC LOST
Sun discovers why The Others tried to kidnap her. Maybe because she's hot? DUH!