THURSDAY, MAY 24
8:00 FOX SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE?
Season premiere! The developmentally delayed version of American Idol returns.
10:30 MTV HUMAN GIANT
Season finale! Don't miss this hee-larious (and suitably twisted) sketch comedy show!
FRIDAY, MAY 25
8:00 TOON STORM HAWKS
Debut! Fast-paced cartoon action featuring flying motorcycles. (Might want to up your seizure medication.)
11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
Season finale! If you like your political punditry with a little potty mouth thrown in, this is the show for you.
SATURDAY, MAY 26
8:30 FX ALIEN VS. PREDATOR—Movie
(2004) Ugh. I lost so much money betting on this fight. That's the last time I wager on interstellar boxing!
SUNDAY, MAY 27
8:00 VH1 THE SPRINGER HUSTLE
While booking The Jerry Springer Show, producers wonder if onstage coitus with a live pig may be pushing it.
12:15 am TOON MORAL OREL
Little Orel finds new and increasingly depraved ways of pleasing God.
MONDAY, MAY 28
8:00 FOX ON THE LOT
Judge Steven Spielberg sends one of the aspiring filmmakers home by giving them the E.T. "finger."
10:00 E! THE SIMPLE LIFE GOES TO CAMP
Season premiere! Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie return to help out at a fat camp. Ohhhh, that's perfect!
TUESDAY, MAY 29
9:00 FOX HOUSE
Season finale! Dr. House sends an ailing Cuban refugee away, because she forgot to bring him cigars.
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
Vic and Ronnie concoct a deadly plan to solve a series of murders. Maybe these two would be better off opening an ice cream parlor.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30
8:00 ABC THE NEXT BEST THING
Debut! An American Idol for celebrity impersonators. I'll never make fun of So You Think You Can Dance? again.
8:00 CW HIDDEN PALMS
Debut! A teenager goes from rehab into the sinister world of Palm Springs. Loosely based, no doubt, on the life of Lindsay Lohan.