THURSDAY, AUGUST 23

8:00 ABC UGLY BETTY

If you missed it, here's the pilot episode of the show that made America fall in love with ugly.

9:00 NBC THE OFFICE

In this hilarious Office repeat, Dunder-Mifflin goes into "crisis mode" when a pornographic watermark shows up on their paper products.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 24

8:00 NBC MISS TEEN USA

What parent doesn't want to see their daughters strutting around like prostitutes?

11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER

Season premiere! Smartass maestro Bill Maher returns with more funny/serious political discussion.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 25

9:00 BBCA JEKYLL

Season finale! Tom realizes he can no longer control his Victorian naughty alter ego, the horny Hyde!

SUNDAY, AUGUST 26

8:00 FOX TEEN CHOICE

Purportedly a ceremony honoring things teens love—but they really don't give a crap about anything except masturbation and High School Musical.

9:00 HBO BIG LOVE

Season finale! This slam-bang show about polygamy has really heated up this season, so check it out!

MONDAY, AUGUST 27

10:30 MTV LIFE OF RYAN

Debut! A new reality show about wealthy 17-year-old skateboard phenom Ryan Sheckler... who just wants a normal life. Oh, BOO-HOO-FAWKIN'-HOO!

TUESDAY, AUGUST 28

9:00 CBS BIG BROTHER

The only reality show where bikinis, sex, and anti-Semitism go hand in hand.

10:00 MTV ROOM 401

Season finale! It's like a scary version of Punk'd—except the victims are embarrassed AND have poop in their pants.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29

8:00 FOX ANCHORWOMAN

Sexy former model Lauren learns how to read the teleprompter, and how to really piss off her co-anchor.

10:00

SCIFI MIND CONTROL WITH DERREN BROWN

Season finale! Brown continues to freak out onlookers, this time by making the sun disappear. That's just rude.