THURSDAY, AUGUST 30
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
Pete makes a desperate grab at Don's job in this awesome series set in 1960s Madison Avenue.
WELCOME TO THE PARKER
Season finale! Demanding clientele crush the hotel, while the staff tries to hold it together.
FRIDAY, AUGUST 31
11:00 HBO REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER
The best and funniest place on TV to get your weekly dose of Bush bashing.
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1
9:00 FOX AMERICA'S MOST WANTED
Season finale! It's the 20th season-ending episode. Twenty seasons? Haven't they caught those crooks yet??
9:00 REAL SOLITARY
Contestants are kept in solitary confinement, with no human interaction, until they all go buggy and quit! Nope, no sadism here.
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 2
7:00 FOX FALL PREVIEW SPECIAL
The Fox network gives us a sneaky peek at their new fall schedule... which is pretty much round-the-clock episodes of House.
10:00 HBO ENTOURAGE
Season finale! The episode where I hope Vince and the gang die in a plane crash, and Ari gets his own show.
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3
9:00 VH1 THE PICKUP ARTIST
The king of the douchebags shares more of his tips on how to pick up drunken bar sluts. Tip #1: Wear a fuzzy Jamiroquai hat.
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 4
Debut! It's what happens after Cops, in which shirtless criminals get a real taste of the slammer.
10:00 BRAVO FLIPPING OUT
Season finale! A real estate speculator (AKA "house flipper") with OCD barely holds onto his sanity while renovating properties.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 5
10:00 ABC NASCAR IN PRIMETIME
In this behind-the-scenes peek at NASCAR, ABC examines how hillbillies are hypnotized by cars racing around a track, and are then persuaded to vote for Bush.
TIM GUNN'S GUIDE TO STYLE
Debut! Project Runway's fashion guru puts his "Queer Eye" on gals with style problems.