THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20

9:30 NBC 30 ROCK

Jack learns a very important lesson he will never forget: "NO ONE SCREWS JERRY SEINFELD."

10:00 NBC THE OFFICE

In this great repeat, Michael forces the office to participate in a 5K not very "fun run."

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21

8:00 FAM MARY POPPINS—Movie

(1964) In order to control two naughty children, a British nanny turns to the occult.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 22

8:00 MYTV THE LIFE AQUATIC WITH STEVE ZISSOU—Movie

(2004) Bill Murray goes after the a-hole shark who killed his friend in this funny flick from Wes Anderson.

8:00 FAM THE INCREDIBLES—Movie

(2004) A superhero dad confronts his midlife crisis; one of the best Pixar movies ever!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 23

7:00 ABC ELMO'S CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN

Elmo must find 10 Xmas presents with the help of special guest Sheryl Crow (who I'm pretty sure can't count).

11:30 COM KENNY VS. SPENNY

This week's competition: "Who can be tied to a goat the longest?" God, I love this show SO MUCH!

MONDAY, DECEMBER 24

8:00 ABC DR. SEUSS' HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

A cranky green monster becomes nice after developing elephantiasis of the heart.

8:00 TBS A CHRISTMAS STORY—Movie

(1983) Twenty-four hours straight of this Xmas classic in which Ralphie shoots his eye out with a BB gun.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 25

9:00 am ABC WALT DISNEY WORLD CHRISTMAS DAY PARADE

Mickey and friends parade around Disney World with that tramp Jessica Simpson, and... Menudo?! YES!!

7:00 COM BAD SANTA—Movie

(2003) A rotten Santa befriends a fat kid and fights off an evil midget.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 26

9:00< PBS AMERICAN MASTERS

A profile of the hilariously brilliant Bob Newhart.

9:00 CW GOSSIP GIRL

Blair discovers a scandalous secret about Serena—but I'm sure blackmail is totally out of the question.