THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7

8:00 CW SMALLVILLE

While working for the Green Arrow, Chloe gets her ass handed to her by the Black Canary!

9:00 ABC LOST

After threatening to chop off Jack's head, the castaways begin to question their rescuers' intentions.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 8

9:30 VH1 FREE RADIO

Debut! Comedian Lance Krall heads this improvised comedy about a deadbeat radio station.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 9

8:30 ABC CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY—Movie

(2005) Johnny Depp takes over the Gene Wilder role in this less successful take on Willy Wonka.

9:00 SCIFI THE BONE EATER—Movie

(2008) HEY!! Who ate my bone?!?

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 10

8:00 CBS THE GRAMMY AWARDS

Striking writers have been given the go-ahead to write for the Grammys—who wants to bet it will be WORSE?

10:00 AMC BREAKING BAD

Walter and Jesse learn an important lesson about pouring acid over a dead body in the bathtub.

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 11

9:00 FOX TERMINATOR: THE SARAH CONNOR CHRONICLES

Agent Ellison comes across something that looks strangely like a Terminator ass-kicking scene.

9:00 VH1 FLAVOR OF LOVE

Season premiere! Strangely, Flavor Flav still hasn't found the girl of his dreams... so... bring out the new set of skanks!

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 12

8:00 USA WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW

It's the closing night ceremonies to find out who exactly is the world's best bitch.

9:00 CBS BIG BROTHER

Season premiere! Yet another gang of douchebags move in to the Big Brother house. (FREE JULIE CHEN!)

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 13

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL

The 24 semifinalists are announced—so start looking for naked pictures of them on the internet... NOW!

9:00 ABC SUPERNANNY

Jo goes toe to toe with the parents of six little monsters. (Good thing she's got her shots.)