THURSDAY, MARCH 20
8:00 ABC MISS GUIDED
A hot substitute teacher chooses not-so-hot Becky over super-hot Lisa.
9:00 ABC LOST
Sayid opens up a can of whup-ass on the long-missing Michael—and who exactly is the sixth person of the Oceanic Six?
FRIDAY, MARCH 21
8:00 BET LEPRECHAUN: BACK 2 THA HOOD
(2003) A murderous rapping leprechaun visits the ghetto, and... wow. Do you really need to hear any more?
SATURDAY, MARCH 22
8:00 ABC THE TEN COMMANDMENTS—Movie
(1956) Moses gets lost in the desert, and nearly burned by a bush in this hilarious biblical comedy.
9:00 SCIFI ROCK MONSTER—Movie
(2008) WHAT?! Ohhhhh... I thought they said something else.
SUNDAY, MARCH 23
8:00 CW EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS
Chris celebrates the worst holiday of all in this aptly titled episode, "Everybody Hates Easter."
9:00 PBS MASTERPIECE
The Jane Austen series continues with Kate Beckinsale starring in Emma. (Wasn't this story based on Clueless?)
MONDAY, MARCH 24
8:00 ABC DANCING WITH THE STARS
Can someone please turn up the music a bit for Marlee Matlin? Thanks.
10:00 MTV THE HILLS
Season premiere! The unscripted spoiled brat soap opera returns for a new season (now with extra "scripting")!
TUESDAY, MARCH 25
8:00 CW BEAUTY AND THE GEEK
Tragedy strikes the show when the asthmatic geeks attempt to play flag football.
WEDNESDAY, MARCH 26
8:00 FOX THE MOMENT OF TRUTH
This awesome game show breaks up more shaky marriages than The Amazing Race!
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
The girls get a chance to be photographed nude. Umm... do we get a choice in this?