THURSDAY, JULY 3
8:00 NBC LAST COMIC STANDING
The 12 most hilarious contestants are chosen, so... say something funny, clowns!
10:30 COM RENO 911!
The deputies bring in an "undercover acting coach" to help them act more like drug dealers and meth heads.
FRIDAY, JULY 4
9:00 NBC MACY'S FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR
I assume they're not setting these things off in the store.
10:00 CBS BOSTON POPS FIREWORKS SPECTACULAR
Ooh, they've got the same name as Macy's "Fireworks Spectacular"! There's gonna be a slap fight!
SATURDAY, JULY 5
9:00 COM LEWIS BLACK: RED, WHITE & SCREWED
Comedian Lewis Black waxes poetic on how freaking GREAT it is to be an American! (Note sarcasm.)
SUNDAY, JULY 6
9:00 TLC THE SINGING OFFICE
Hotel employees try to outsing an elementary school—which should be easy since kids sing like crap.
9:00 VH1 I LOVE MONEY
Debut! Cast members of Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and I Love New York humiliate themselves once again for money.
MONDAY, JULY 7
8:00 ABC THE BACHELORETTE
Season finale! DeAnna tries to determine which of the remaining two douchebags is the least douchey.
8:00 NBC AMERICAN GLADIATOR
A college student takes on a much older businessman. (Note: Yelling, "C'mon, Grandpa!" is not allowed.)
TUESDAY, JULY 8
8:00 NBC CELEBRITY FAMILY FEUD
Cast members from The Office take on the brutes of American Gladiators. Kick their asses, Phyllis!
8:00 ABC WIPEOUT
A new gang of sucker... umm... contestants fall victim to the most hilarious obstacle courses ever!
WEDNESDAY, JULY 9
8:00 NBC BABY BORROWERS
It's toddler week for the teen couples, which means someone is getting covered with poopy.
10:00 MTV THE REAL WORLD
Season finale! The 20th season ends with tears, hugs, and more than a little vomit. (Things haven't changed much.)