THURSDAY, OCTOBER 23
10:00 VH1 CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW
Season premiere! Dr. Drew returns with more sky-high celebs—and some motivational help from cuckoo Gary Busey!
10:30 COM THE SARAH SILVERMAN PROGRAM
Sarah believes she sees Osama bin Laden on the street. OMG! That's the "October surprise!"
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 24
8:00 AMC HALLOWEEN—Movie
(1978) I like this Mike Myers better than the other Mike Myers. Who's with me?!
9:00 NBC CRUSOE
Crusoe loses his wedding ring; his gay slave, Friday, comforts him.
SATURDAY, OCTOBER 25
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE
Mad Men's Jon Hamm hosts, Coldplay performs... along with possible special guest Sarah Palin?
SUNDAY, OCTOBER 26
8:00 NBC THE 40-YEAR-OLD VIRGIN—Movie
(2005) Steve Carell learns the basics of "inserting tab A" into "slot B."
10:00 AMC MAD MEN
Season finale! With Don still missing, the office scrambles to keep up with their sexual harassment quota.
MONDAY, OCTOBER 27
8:00 NBC CHUCK
A Buy More efficiency expert doesn't think Chuck is using his customer service/battling international terrorist time effectively.
10:00 MTV THE HILLS
Lauren wonders whether she should bleach her mustache, while Audrina can't see it because of her large teeth.
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 28
10:00 OXY COOLIO'S RULES
Debut! Coolio's new catering business hits a snag when his family says, "Umm... aren't you supposed to be a rapper?"
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
David's bid for mayor gets sidetracked by an annoying federal ethics investigation.
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29
8:00 CBS/ABC/FOX BARACK OBAMA'S MESSAGE
A 30-minute infomercial about Barack Obama! Force your racist relatives to watch it!
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
When the girls are told they will be flying to a European destination, they complain, "But we don't speak Europe!"