8:00 CBS SURVIVOR
The two-hour season finale, in which the final threesome humiliate each other for the grand prize of one million dollars!
8:00 NBC FRIENDS
Monica and Chandler's wedding vows are superfluous, since everyone will be watching Survivor.
8:00 TNT TOP GUN--Movie
(1986) Tom Cruise plays some homoerotic volleyball, and then kills Goose in a plane crash.
9:00 WB POPULAR
The gang is stalked by a masked killer who "knows what they did last spring break!"
6:00 VH1 BANDS ON THE RUN
A reality show in which four shitty bands tour the country and compete for the title of "Not So Shitty" band.
9:00 NBC HAPPY GILMORE--Movie
(1996) Adam Sandler is a hockey-player-turned-golfer in a movie that's actually funny!
9:00 SCI CLAN OF THE CAVE BEAR--Movie
(1986) Darryl Hannah plays a blue-eyed Cro-Mag who pisses off the Neanderthals 'cause she thinks she's all "evolved" and shit.
9:00 HBO THE SOPRANOS
Meadow suspects Jackie Jr. is cheating on her, and Jackie Jr. suspects he may be fitted for a pair of concrete Dockers.
8:00 ABC AIR FORCE ONE--Movie
(1997) Rooskies take over Air Force One, which means the president gets to kick some Commie ass!
10:00 COM TV FUNHOUSE
The Anipals visit Triumph the Insult Comic Dog in Atlantic City, and end up puking on their motel bed.
8:00 WB BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
The gang high-tails it out of Sunnydale when Glory figures out that Dawn is "the key"! Feets, don't fail me now!
8:00 MTV CARMEN
Beyoncè (Destiny's Child) and rapper Mos Def star in the hiphop version of Bizet's opera.
9:00 NBC WEST WING
Bartlet prepares to tell the country he has MS; the Republicans prepare to eat him like a pork chop.