Thursday, July 12

8:00 FOX NIGHT VISIONS

Debut! A new anthology of horror stories in the vein of The Twilight Zone, hosted by sellout hack Henry Rollins.


Friday, July 13

8:00 FOX WW3--TV Movie

(2001) When Rooskies start shooting off biochemical bombs, America directs its hopes toward Timothy Hutton and Vanessa Williams.

10:30 ESPN2 RUNNING OF THE BULLS

Dumbshit frat boys get mercifully gored in this annual event broadcast live from Spain.


Saturday, July 14

8:00 NBC JURASSIC PARK--Movie

(1993) Steven Spielberg directed this thriller about ornery dinosaurs who don't even eat one single kid!

8:00 DSC WHEN AIRPLANES CRASH

Footage of planes smashing into mountains and tumbling down runways in flames... just in time for travel season!


Sunday, July 15

8:00 COM PECKER--Movie

(1998) Edward Furlong plays an annoying kid who becomes an even more annoying hotshot photographer in this flick by John Waters.

11:00 A&E CRIME STORY

The smooth-as-shit '60s-style police drama returns, starring Dennis Farina.


Monday, July 16

8:00 NBC FEAR FACTOR

Six trash-talkin' contestants quickly shut their traps when host Joe Rogan scares the crap out of them.

8:00 FOX BOSTON PUBLIC

An emergency meeting is called when it's discovered that the entire teaching staff is having affairs with students.


Tuesday, July 17

8:00 NBC SPY TV

A Candid Camera-style show for people who are sick of watching Johnny Knoxville crack himself in the nuts.

10:00 ABC NYPD BLUE

Sorenson (Li'l Ricky Schroder) has yet another mental breakdown. (Jeez! It's no wonder they fired him!)


Wednesday, July 18

8:30 ABC YOU DON'T KNOW JACK

Pee-wee--sorry, Paul Reubens--hosts this funny game show, where he employs yet another funny voice and haircut.