Thursday, March 14

8:00 NBC FRIENDS

Phoebe tries to get tickets to the Sting concert. OMIGOD! Do you think this show could get any older?!?

8:00 TBS THE GOONIES--Movie

(1985) A group of kids follow the treasure map of One-Eyed Willie. OMIGOD! Could this movie be any more homoerotic?!?

Friday, March 15

8:30 WB MY GUIDE TO BECOMING A ROCK STAR

A new sitcom about a rocker looking for fame and fortune which will be cancelled in... three... two... one... whoops! It's gone.

9:00 TVLAND THREE'S COMPANY

The girls have little trouble convincing Mr. Roper (and the rest of us) that Jack is a homosexual.

Saturday, March 16

8:00 INTL DEJA MORT--Cinema

(1998) Joven se involucra en la industria de los filmes pornográficos.

8:00 AMC THE ABOMINABLE MR. PHIBES--Movie

(1971) Dr. Phibes gets back at the quacks who killed his wife by acting rather abominably.

Sunday, March 17

9:00 ABC ALIAS

The FBI puts Sydney's double-agent status in jeopardy by keeping her away from SD-6 and her closet of sexy wigs and dresses.

9:00 PAX BONANZA

Hoss becomes convinced he's seen a leprechaun! Ohhh, stupid, fat Hoss!

Monday, March 18

8:30 CBS BABY BOB

Debut! A couple's baby has the uncanny ability to talk just like an adult asshole.

Tuesday, March 19

8:30 FOX ANDY RICHTER CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE

Debut! Conan O'Brien's old sidekick gets his own TV sitcom that definitely might not stink.

10:30 MTV THE OSBOURNES

The Osbourne family holds a house meeting when Papa Ozzy refuses to put on a shirt.

Wednesday, March 20

9:30 ABC THE JOB

In this "very special episode," Dennis Leary's mistress threatens to rat on him to his extremely jealous wife.