Thursday,

March 28

8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: MARQUESAS

In their continuing quest to screw with the contestants' minds, one tribe is allowed to steal members from the other.

10:00 VH1 PORN TO ROCK II

Porn stars prove they have other skills besides doing the UNNH-UNNH freak nasty.

Friday, March 29

8:00 CBS AFP: AMERICAN FIGHTER PILOT

Debut! Three hunky chunks of meat compete for the "Top Gun" flying program.

8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

Behind the scenes on the bitch-slappingest nighttime soap opera ever, Dynasty!

Saturday, March 30

8:00 DSC WILD AND WEIRD

Unusual and bizarre sex acts of the animal kingdom. Woo-hoo! Get those VCR's rolling!

9:00 LIF CO-ED CALL GIRL--Movie

The fun of prostitution begins to wear thin for a sorority gal.

Sunday, March 31

8:00 ABC THE TEN COMMANDMENTS--Movie

How's this for an 11th Commandment? "Thou shalt not program an old bullshit Christian movie instead of a new episode of Alias!"

8:00 WB THE JAMIE KENNEDY EXPERIMENT

Jamie fakes a marriage proposal on the big screen at a basketball game. Oh-ha-ha-ha, but what about the bride-to-be?

Monday, April 1

10:00 ABC ONCE AND AGAIN

Grace finds herself neck deep in trouble, when she attempts to seduce her teacher Eric Stoltz!

Tuesday, April 2

8:30 FOX ANDY RICHTER CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE

Andy is faced with a critical choice after discovering his new girlfriend is a bigot: bone her and dump her, or bone her and keep her?

10:00 FX THE SHIELD

Wow! Check out this dirty-talkin', well-written new cop show based on the real-life corruption of the LAPD!

Wednesday, April 3

9:30 FOX GREG THE BUNNY

Jimmy's new girlfriend has two sweet dogs--who only want to rip off poor Greg's head!