Thursday, May 2

9:00 NBC WILL & GRACE

Grace is talked into posing for eccentric photographer and celebrity fag hag, Glenn Close.

10:00 NBC E.R.

Carter reads a letter to the staff from the terminally ill Dr. Greene that goes something like this: "Oh, boo-hoo-hooo!! I've got a brain tumor! Oh, boo-hoo-hooo!"

Friday, May 3

8:30 FOX DARK ANGEL

Director James Cameron takes the helm for this episode in which Max opens up a can of whoop-ass on an army of clones!

8:30 AMC THE GOOD SON--Movie

(1993) Macaulay Culkin stars as an angelic looking bastard who terrorizes his cousin (Elijah Wood).

Saturday, May 4

8:00 E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY

The true story of Pee-wee Herman, from his rise to fame to being arrested for wacking the wee-wee.

8:30 FOX COPS: ANIMALS

A hilarious special edition of Cops, where officers have their asses torn out by ferocious animals.

Sunday, May 5

9:00 ABC ALIAS

Will "Casual Guy" Tippen sticks his big fat nose back into the SD-6 case!

10:30 WB JAMIE KENNEDY EXPERIMENT

Jamie pulls pranks with the help of Olympic hottie Apollo Ohno and Olympic fattie George Wendt.

Monday, May 6

8:00 ABC NOTTING HILL--Movie

(1999) It's Limey-style hilarity when bookshop owner Hugh Grant gets to freak nasty with superstar Julia Roberts.

Tuesday, May 7

8:00 ABC LAVERNE & SHIRLEY: TOGETHER AGAIN

"Together again??" Wait a fawking second! I don't remember asking for this show the first time!!

8:00 WB BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

The Scoobies have wildly different reactions after learning about Buffy and Spike's bone-fest.

Wednesday, May 8

9:00 NBC THE WEST WING

The staff wets their britches after they're warned about a possible terrorist attack (remind you of any current administrations you know?).