Thursday, July 4
8:00 ABC IN SEARCH OF AMERICA
ABC celebrates our independence by traveling around the country filming kids blowing their fingers off with fireworks.
8:00 USA LONE WOLF McQUADE--Movie(1983)
The best goddam Chuck Norris movie ever, where he's buried alive with his monster truck--that is, until he slaps that baby into overdrive! Yeeee-HAW!

Friday, July 5
8:00 MTV TRUE LIFE
Dirty rotten little sluts and druggies get an army boot to the behind, when they're sent to military boot camp!
8:30 TVLAND HAPPY DAYS
The Fonz must use every ounce of power in this thumb to protect Richie from the visiting alien, Mork from Ork (yes, that Mork).

Saturday, July 6
8:00 FX POINT BREAK--Movie(1991)
In order to catch bank robber Patrick Swayze, FBI agent Keanu Reeves is forced to surf and bone a beach bunny.
10:00 AMC BULLITT--Movie(1968)
Steve McQueen kicks ASS in this awesome car chase extravaganza from the '60s!

Sunday, July 7
9:00 ABC ALIAS
Vaughn uncovers damning evidence that Sydney's pop may have been helping out the Rooskies!
10:30 COM CRANK YANKERS
Super-Dave Osborne joins the cast of filthy puppets in making prank phone calls.

Monday, July 8
8:00 TBS SIXTEEN CANDLES--Movie(1984)
Everybody forgets poor lonely Molly Ringwald's birthday--except for loverboy Long Duck Dong!
9:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM
Larry gets in trouble with the little woman after constantly referring to her as "Hitler."

Tuesday, July 9
10:00 PBS P.O.V.
Okay, you're not going to believe this, but you should watch this documentary called "Hybrid," about a grandfather who's obsessed with corn. It's good. See? I knew you wouldn't believe me!!

Wednesday, July 10
9:00 CBS BIG BROTHER 3
Season Premiere! The agoraphobic hit returns with a new houseload of asshole roommates.