Thursday, August 1
9:00 DSC IN THE GRIP OF EVIL
Interviews with the actual people behind the head-spinnin', pea soup spittin' story of The Exorcist.
9:30 NBC THE RERUN SHOW
Debut! Actors re-enact scenes from classic sitcoms like The Partridge Family, and Diff'rent Strokes. Wha'choo talkin' bout, Willis?!?

Friday, August 2
9:00 AMC BACHELOR PARTY--Movie(1984)
Tom Hanks stars as a groom-to-be whose bachelor party is the wackiest EVER (which means the inclusion of hookers, donkeys, and guys with really cheesy moustaches).
10:30 FX SON OF THE BEACH
The lifeguards set out to save the world from arch-villain Frank Sinatra, Jr. in this spy-spoof entitled, "You Only Come Once." Yick.

Saturday, August 3
8:00 TNN SLAMBALL Debut!
Another dumbshit sport created by dumbshit jocks. This one involves a basketball, a trampoline, and football pads.
8:00 VH1 ONE CRAZY SUMMER--Movie(1986)
John Cusack and his gang of krrrr-AZY kids save a pretty lady's house from mean yuppie developers.

Sunday, August 4
8:00 USA 12 MONKEYS--Movie(1995)
A disturbing lack of monkeys populate this Bruce Willis vehicle, in which he plays a bald drooling guy from the future.
10:00 E! THE ANNA NICOLE SHOW Debut!
Former Guess? Jeans model Anna Nicole shoots for Hollywood stardom in this Ozzy-fied reality series.

Monday, August 5
9:00 NBC DOG EAT DOG
In this very special episode, Playboy playmates jump up and down and make their boobies bounce. Yep, that's about it.

Tuesday, August 6
9:00 MTV THE REAL WORLD: THE LOST SEASON--Movie(2002)
A parody of the Real World series, featuring a "lost" season set in Vancouver.
10:00 TBS THE BAD NEWS BEARS--Movie(1976)
Little League baseball coach gives his players beer, and notices a marked improvement.

Wednesday, August 7
10:00 COM SOUTH PARK
The boys form an organization to stop asshole Hollywood directors from ruining their own films. And yeah, George Lucas! We're talkin' to YOU.