Thursday, January 16

9:30 WB THE SURREAL LIFEMC Hammer and Webster fight over who gets to sleep outside in the tent with Jerri from Survivor.

10:00 NBC E.R.The staff tries to control their laughter when a famous politician comes down with the syphilis.

Friday, January 17

8:00 FOX FASTLANEThe boys are assigned to the greatest case EVER when they go undercover with lesbian bank robbers!

8:00 NBC MISTER STERLINGA new series about a Senator who proves that politicians can be honest and boring at the same time.

Saturday, January 18

9:00 HBO ROLLING STONES LIVEThe Stones in a live performance direct from the Mercy Hospital Critical Care Unit.

9:30 VH1 JEN LOVES BENA documentary about the torrid love affair between Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck. (Five bucks sez they break up before this show comes on!)

Sunday, January 19

8:00 NBC GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDSThe only situation where we let foreigners decide anything.

9:00 WB HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONBen and Dave settle a high school grudge in the boxing ring. Hey, fellas! It's been 10 YEARS! Get over it already!

Monday, January 20

9:00 UPN JOE MILLIONAIREEvan invites the contestants to dine at the top of the Eiffel Tower (after the show is over, they'll be dining behind the dumpster at McDonalds).

Tuesday, January 21

8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOLSeason Premiere! Paula, Randy, and Simon return to humiliate a nation of shitty singers.

10:00 FX THE SHIELDVic craps his pants when he learns one of his pals is investigating him!

Wednesday, January 22

9:00 WB ANGELAngel moves from Sunday night (where he competed with the excellent Alias) to Wednesday (where he only has to worry about the increasingly preachy West Wing).

9:30 COM SOUTH PARKCartman goes in search of his father in the sensitively titled episode, "Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut."