THURSDAY, MARCH 29
9:00 SCIFI REIGN OF THE GARGOYLES—Movie
(2007) Those goddamn goose-stepping Nazi rat bastards have come up with their most fiendish plan yet: American-hating gargoyles!
10:00 NBC THE OFFICE
In my opinion the greatest Office episode of all time, where Michael burns his foot on a George Foreman Grill, and Dwight throws up on his car.
FRIDAY, MARCH 30
7:00 SCIFI HEROES MINI-MARATHON
Catch up on what you've missed with three back-to-back episodes!
8:00 CBS GHOST WHISPERER
(The following is NOT a joke.) When Delia is haunted by "Homer the Ghost Dog," she calls in TV's Dog Whisperer.
SATURDAY, MARCH 31
8:00 FOX COPS
Hilarity ensues when a teenager eats an entire bag of pot.
SUNDAY, APRIL 1
10:00 A&E SONS OF HOLLYWOOD
Debut! The douchebag sons of famous celebrities try to make it without maids and daddy's money.
10:30 COM RENO: 911!
Spring premiere! The sheriff's department gets corporate sponsorship. Ooh! I hope it's Hormel Chili.
MONDAY, APRIL 2
9:00 FOX 24
The vice president gives diplomacy a chance... for, like, two seconds before nuking the Middle East.
10:00 ABC THE BACHELOR: OFFICER & A GENTLEMAN
Season premiere! A Navy officer chooses between 25 women... and... no men? Okay, that's weird.
TUESDAY, APRIL 3
8:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL
Poor Tony Bennett drops by to help Sanjaya learn to sing.
10:00 FX THE SHIELD
Season premiere! Everyone's sad over the death of Lem... except for Shane, who blew him up with a grenade!
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4
8:00 CW AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL
The girls attend a swanky party, which means someone's getting knocked into the pool!
10:00 ABC LOST
Sawyer is banished from the tribe for being a jerk (read: too sexy).