Thursday, Sept 4

8:30 NBC WILL & GRACE The gang wonders if Karen has gone off the deep end when she hires a lawyer by the name ofÉ Macaulay Culkin?!?

9:00 SPIKE RIDE WITH FUNKMASTER FLEX Your host Funkmaster Flex takes a ride in the hooptie of foul-mouthed rap music master, Ludacris.

Friday, Sept 5

8:00 FAM THE KARATE KID--Movie (1984) Daniel-San (Ralph Macchio) gets an ass-saving lesson in chop-socky from Mr. Miyagi (Arnold from Happy Days).

10:00 MTV SPIDER-MAN Spidey thinks he's hit the jackpot with two sexy twins--until they turn out to be sexy murderers.

Saturday, Sept 6

9:30 HBO SHOWGIRLS: GLITTER & ANGST This documentary follows around actual bare-tittied Vegas showgirls as they prepare for a show and try to figure out what "angst" means.

10:00 COM SOUTH PARK It's an extra exciting episode when Stan and Jesus race to save the boys from a suicidal cult!

Sunday, Sept 7

8:00 FOX CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON--Movie (2000) Two martial artists go after a 400-year-old sword in this awesome wire-fu classic!

Monday, Sept 8

9:00 NBC FOR LOVE OR MONEY 2 Season Finale! Erin must decide who she loves more; those two jarhead jocks or two million cash. HmmmÉ I think I would chooseÉ Cha-CHING!

Tuesday, Sept 9

8:00 NBC WHOOPI Debut! The increasingly tiresome Whoopi Goldberg gets her own series as a singer who lives with her honky-acting brother and his wigga-acting wife. Ker-snooze.

8:30 NBC HAPPY FAMILY Debut! John Laroquette and Christine Baranski star as parents who want to kick out their dead-beat kids. Ker-snooze.

9:00 FOX THE O.C. I love The O.C. ! I love The O.C. ! I love The O.Ceeeeee!

Wednesday, Sept 10

9:00 UPN JAKE 2.0 Debut! A computer geek gets exposed to a mysterious biotech substance and becomes a super-powered geek.

9:00 NBC WEST WING Toby's baby is on the way, terrorists are on the loose, and Zoë gets slipped some Ecstasy. Another story ripped from the headlines!