Thursday, September 25

8:00 NBC FRIENDS Season Premiere! It's the final season, which means the gang is looking for a reasonably priced retirement home.

9:00 NBC COUPLING Debut! This horny-fied replacement for Friends centers around six pals in Chicago who love to pork.

Friday, September 26

8:00 CBS JOAN OF ARCADIA Debut! A teen with overactive hormones turns to God instead of pot.

8:00 NBC MISS MATCH Debut! Alicia Silverstone returns (whether you wanted her or not) as a meddling matchmaker.

10:00 CBS THE HANDLER Debut! An FBI supervisor (The Sopranos' Joe Pantoliano) chooses young agents to go on dangerous undercover missions.

Saturday, September 27

10:00 TOON G.I. JOE: SPY TROOPS When Joe and the troops look for WMDs in Iraq, all they get for their trouble is a beheading and melted body parts.

Sunday, September 28

8:00 CBS COLD CASE Debut! A completely pork-able homicide detective cracks unsolved cases.

9:00 ABC ALIAS Season Premiere! Sydney wakes up in Hong Kong after her mysterious two-year nap--and boy, is she pissed!

10:00 NBC THE LYON'S DEN Debut! A brash, idealistic lawyer (the horn-tastic Rob Lowe) takes on a law-firm of incontinent old fuddy-duddies.

Monday, September 29

10:00 NBC LAS VEGAS When his pal is found decapitated and buried six feet under in the desert, Danny suspects foul play.

Tuesday, September 30

8:00 WB GILMORE GIRLS When Rory moves into her new college dorm, she discovers a new friend (alcohol-related blackouts).

Wednesday, October 1

8:00 WB SMALLVILLE Season Premiere! Clark arrives in Metropolis hopped up on Red Kryptonite and looking for trouble!

9:00 WB ANGEL Season Premiere! Angel and the gang take on their first client at the new law firm--and guess what? He's evil!

10:00 ABC KAREN SISCO Debut! Hotsy Carla Gugino takes over the J.LO role from Out of Sight in this new mystery series about a U.S. marshal on Miami's Gold Coast.