THURSday, MARCH 11 8:30 NBC WILL & GRACE Will and Grace's real estate business is threatened by a pair of hard-nosed lesbians (Edie Falco and Chloe Sevigny).

9:00 NBC THE APPRENTICE Donald Trump orders the contestants to start a rickshaw business. Hey! Nothing sells like racism!

FRiday, MARCH 12 8:00 FOX PLAYING IT STRAIGHT Debut! In this dating show, a het honey tries to spot the homo. Here's a hint: If it wears pleats, it ain't gay.

9:00 FOX WONDERFALLS Debut! A teen girl gets messages from beyond through inanimate objects. Schizophrenia is so "in" this year!

SATurday, MARCH 13 9:00 ANI AMAZING ANIMAL ULTIMATE ODDITIES Weird animals including; a 15-legged frog, and a cat that eats with a fork. Why are people so upset about gay marriage when this kind of shit is going on?!?

9:00 FOX AMERICA'S MOST WANTED Crime-fighting porn actor Ron Jeremy helps in the search for a missing girl. Just when you thought things couldn't get any strangerÉ

SUNday, MARCH 14 9:00 ABC ALIAS Syd and Vaughn go after an evil bomb maker (played by The Office's Ricky Gervais!).

10:00 HBO CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM Season Finale! It's Larry's opening night on Broadway, which means somebody's gonna die.

MONday, MARCH 15 10:00 NBC AVERAGE JOE: ADAM RETURNS Runner-up Adam gets a second chance at finding a woman (wouldn't it be funny if she was stolen at the end by Fabio?).

TUESday, MARCH 16 9:00 CBS CENTURY CITY Debut! In the year 2030, lawyers don't only break the law, they defend it! Okay... how is that different from now?

10:00 FX THE SHIELD When Vic and the team have trouble sticking to the rules, they decide to take a coke-snorting break to figure things out.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 17 8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: ALL-STARS Thanks to college basketball, Survivor has been temporarily moved to Wednesday night. But what about MY feelings?

9:30 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Michael falls in the soup after having a one-night stand with his father's lawyer!