THURSDAY, AUGUST 12 8:30 FOX CELEBRITY BOXING 2 A hilarious repeat in which has-beens beat the crap out of each other in the ring. Tonight: Ron "Horshack" Palillo vs. Dustin "Screech" Diamond. 9:00 VH1 MAN IN THE MIRROR: THE MICHAEL JACKSON STORY--Movie (2004) A biopic of Michael Jackson's life, with a far more attractive MJ impersonator.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 13 8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS It's the opening ceremonies for the summer Olympics, and here's the drinking game: Whenever the U.S. gets booed by the crowd, you drink! 8:00 FOX MAN VS. BEAST I & II Screw the Olympics! Don't miss these back-to-back episodes of humans competing against animals. Go, humans, GO!!!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 14 8:00 WB MAD MAX--Movie (1979) Mel Gibson stars as "kind of annoyed Max," until somebody kills his family. 9:00 SPIKE RESERVOIR DOGS--Movie (1992) Quentin Tarantino's bloody story of a botched diamond heist by a gang of crooks with colorful names.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 15 8:00 NBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Tonight, it's gymnastics, swimming, andÉ beach volleyball? Oh, yeah, baby! Hollaaaaaaaa! 8:00 TRAV MARVEL SUPER HEROES' GUIDE TO NYC The New York City landmarks that inspire superheroes like Hulk to SMASH!

MONDAY, AUGUST 16 7:00 BRAVO SUMMER OLYMPICS Be sure to check out Bravo for the gayest selection of Summer Olympic games. Tonight: Badminton!


10:00 FX NIP/TUCK Plastic surgeons Sean and Christian separate conjoined twinsÉ SEXY conjoined twins! 10:30 MSNBC SUMMER OLYMPICS Be sure to check out MSNBC for the dorkiest selection of Summer Olympic games. Tonight: Handball and canoeing!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 18 8:00 FOX FAMILY GUY MINI-MARATHON Four episodes of the hilarious and canceled cult cartoon Family Guy. 8:00 FX PREDATOR--Movie (1987) Arnold Schwarzenegger gets an out of this world ass-whuppin' from an invisible alien game-hunter.