THURSDAY, JANURARY 20 8:00 FOX THE O.C. While the girls paint the town red, Ryan, Seth, and Zach decide to do some homosexual bonding.

8:30 NBC THE APPRENTICE 3 Donald Trump lures 18 more suckers into his bullshit pyramid scheme.

FRIDAY, JANURARY 21 9:00 UPN ROAD TO STARDOM WITH MISSY ELLIOTT Missy makes the contestants create musical instruments from the junkyard! Just like Fat Albert! Hey, hey, HEY!

9:00 E! FASHION POLICE: GOLDEN GLOBES Couture critics sharpen their claws, and rip up the fashions on the Golden Globes' red carpet.

SATURDAY, JANUARY 22 10:00 A&E MI-5 When an operative almost gets shot and killed, the MI-5 team gets spanked and sent to their room.

11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Actor Paul Giamatti (Sideways, American Splendor) hosts, with musical guest Ludacris (dirty rapper).

SUNDAY, JANUARY 23 8:30 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT The Bluth family sells all their company stock--and is surprised when they can't control the company anymore.

9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Lynette's father-in-law (Ryan O'Neal) drops in and drops a bomb of a family secret!

MONDAY, JANUARY 24 9:00 FOX 24 Jack has to go to the bathroom really bad, but holds it to rescue his girlfriend and the Senator from a terrorist camp.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 25 8:00 BRAVO CELEBRITY POKER SHOWDOWN Season Premiere! A brand new season of crappy card players. This week: Ray Romano and Heather Graham!

9:00 FOX HOUSE Dr. House treats a high school student who's afflicted by a mystery poison. (What's the mystery? The "poison" is alcohol, and he drank it!)

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 26 8:30 FOX THE SIMPLE LIFE 3 Season Premiere! Paris and Nicole return for another season of doing embarrassing odd jobs. (Did you ask them to return? I didn't ask them.)