THURSDAY, MARCH 10

8:00 FOX THE O.C. It's a dream come true when the gang stays overnight in the mall (all the Chik-filet sandwiches they can eat)!

9:00 WB THE STARLET The remaining contestants are given "passion and seduction training"--before being shipped off to a Thai whorehouse.

10:30 COM THE HOLLOW MEN Debut! A new surrealistic sketch comedy group, and not an invisible Kevin Bacon.

FRIDAY, MARCH 11

10:00 TVLAND SANFORD & SON Lamont and Rollo mistakenly enter a gay bar. Racial and sexual stereotypes… activate!

SATURDAY, MARCH 12

8:00 SPIKE CARPOCALYPSE My new fave show! Teams of insane rednecks race crazy cars and fistfight! Yeeeee-HAW!

9:00 SCIFI MANSQUITO--Movie (2005) He's half-man, half-mosquito… and all-day sucker!

SUNDAY, MARCH 13

8:30 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT Lucille abducts George Michael, and forces him to accompany her to the annual mother-son dance. Ick!

9:00 ABC JAKE IN PROGRESS Debut! John Stamos (Full House) stars as a lothario publicist looking for true love. I give it three episodes.

MONDAY, MARCH 14

9:00 FOX 24 An electromagnetic pulse knocks out all the electrical devices within a radius of… god-DAMMIT! My TiVo just went out!

TUESDAY, MARCH 15

9:00 BRAVO PROJECT GREENLIGHT Season Premiere! Matt Damon and Ben Affleck return to help another shitty indie director make their shitty indie film.

10:00 FX THE SHIELD Season Premiere! When Cap'n Aceveda moves up to city council, there's a new boss in the house (Glenn Close)!

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16

8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: PALAU Jeff awards the contestants the "best/worst reward ever"--an Ex-Lax chocolate cake.

9:00 TVLAND THE TV LAND AWARDS 2005 Celebrating the funniest scenes in TV history (like Lamont and Rollo stumbling into a gay bar?).