THURSDAY, MARCH 31
9:00 NBC THE APPRENTICE The candidates compete to create a new style of pizza for Domino's. How about one that doesn't taste like shit?
9:00 WB THE STARLET Hilarious humiliation ensues when the gals are asked to exhibit their comedy skills using a scene from Friends. An impossible task!
FRIDAY, APRIL 1
8:00 FOX THE BERNIE MAC SHOW Bernie gets help with Vanessa's singing career from the awesome Isaac Hayes!
10:00 SCIFI BATTLESTAR GALACTICA Season finale, part two! Adama is forced to send the suicidal Boomer to attack those bastard Cylons.
SATURDAY, APRIL 2
8:00 FX ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK--Movie (1981) Why in the world haven't they made a reality show based on this awesome movie? DIBS!
8:00 SPIKE CARPOCALYPSE Those lovable rednecks spend one week fixing up their cars, and the next in the hospital.
SUNDAY, APRIL 3
8:30 FOX ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT When George Michael gives his Christian girlfriend Ann a "promise ring," daddy Michael has an atheistic freakout!
9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Lynette makes friends with a deaf mother at her school, and learns how to gossip in sign language.
MONDAY, APRIL 4
9:00 NBC BEHIND THE CAMERA An "unauthorized" recreation of the best sitcom/coke party of the '70s, Mork & Mindy.
TUESDAY, APRIL 5
9:30 NBC THE OFFICE It's an HMO-locaust when Dwight is allowed to choose the company's insurance plan.
10:00 FX THE SHIELD It's kill or be killed when Vic is on the hunt for a deadly escaped fugitive. Meanwhile, Dutch makes brownies.
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 6
8:00 ABC LOST Thank GOD! Claire finally goes into labor! (I'm betting it will be a baby polar bear.)
9:00 A&E KNIEVEL'S WILD RIDE Debut! A new reality show in which Robbie (son of Evel) Knievel breaks every bone in his goddamn body.