THURSDAY, MAY 5
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: PALAU Suddenly it's an island full of crybabies when a castaway double-crosses the tribe.
9:00 FOX THE O.C. At long last, Sandy finally confronts Kirsten about being a goddamn lushy boozehound.
FRIDAY, MAY 6
8:30 NIK SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS Season Debut! SpongeBob develops an extreme case of Krabby Patty phobia in the fourth season opener!
10:30 COM DAVID CROSS The hilarious star of Mr. Show and Arrested Development demonstrates his salty stand-up act.
SATURDAY, MAY 7
2:00 NBC KENTUCKY DERBY Hey gambling addicts! It's race day! (And I'll happily put my entire life savings on any horse named "Glue Factory.")
9:00 UPN BLADE RUNNER--Movie (1982) Harrison Ford stars as a futuristic detective hunting down hottie rogue robots like Rutger Hauer!
SUNDAY, MAY 8
9:00 ABC DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Lynette goes to embarrassing new levels to seduce her hormonally deficient hubby.
9:00 OXY SNAPPED! MARATHON Those Housewives not desperate enough for ya? Check out this marathon of documentaries about murderous moms who "snapped!"
MONDAY, MAY 9
8:00 FOX NANNY 911 Thanks to Nanny 911, help is on the way for 24 of a family's 32 children. (We're assuming the other eight are dead.)
TUESDAY, MAY 10
9:00 UPN VERONICA MARS Season Finale! Veronica finally discovers who snuffed her best pal, Lilly Kane!
9:00 CBS THE AMAZING RACE Season Finale! At the airport, the final three couples face an impossible task… locating their luggage.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 11
8:00 ABC LOST Michael becomes violently ill while working on the raft. (I'm telling you--it's all because of his rotten kid!)
8:00 WB SMALLVILLE It's "Senior Portrait Day," and Clark must battle a kryptonite-caused case of super acne.