THURSDAY, JUNE 9

8:00 CBS THE CUT Debut! Dumbass Tommy Hilfiger stars in this reality show in which he assumes he has something to offer the fashion world.

8:30 MTV 2005 MTV MOVIE AWARDS Almost as fun as the Humpy Awards™--if it weren't for that asshole Jimmy Fallon.

9:00 NBC HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME More has-beens compete for one more shot at fame, including the Motels, the Knack, and Vanilla Ice! WOW!

FRIDAY, JUNE 10

10:00 MTV THE REAL WORLD XVI LAUNCH SPECIAL Since MTV has run out of cities willing to host the Real World kids, this year's group will live in a Russian gulag. (I wish.)

SATURDAY, JUNE 11

9:00 TOON JUSTICE LEAGUE UNLIMITED Captain Marvel joins the JLA to battle Lex Luthor, and yes, I'm a big freaking dork.

SUNDAY, JUNE 12

9:00 HBO ENTOURAGE The gang arrives on the movie set, and immediately starts complaining about the lack of hookers in their trailers.

MONDAY, JUNE 13

9:00 TNT THE CLOSER Debut! Kyra Sedgwick stars as an uppity police gal who has the nerve to be really awesome at solving crimes.

TUESDAY, JUNE 14

9:00 UPN BRITNEY AND KEVIN: CHAOTIC Season Finale! In the (thankfully) last show of this painful series, Britney reveals why she and Kevin wore those god-awful track suits to their wedding.

10:00 FX THE SHIELD Season Finale! The Strike Team struggles to stay out of the hoose-gow, and Glenn Close says sayonara!

10:00 COM RENO 911! Season Premiere! Yay! One of the funniest sitcoms is back with a new season and brand new cast member. RECOMMENDED!

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15

8:00 WB BEAUTY AND THE GEEK The brainless beauties are instructed to build a rocket, while the men learn to sew on dismembered fingers.

10:00 FX 30 DAYS Debut! Super Size Me's Morgan Spurlock's new series where he attempts to live on minimum wage for 30 days.