Much better, yet still a touch florid.

Hey "Fruit Cup" .. They do offer a burger with a veggie patty that is awesome...

Stop to breathe. LOL. Kinda true, so I'll take that. But really I just type extremely fast. At least, while wordy, by commentary is concise. Again, this review was absolutely ridiculous. I just can't see how Onstad's portfolio landed him this job. It's not good (and CERTAINLY not original) writing, and it's anything but food / restaurant reviewing. And this is from the guy who PRAISED Onstad upon his first review, appreciating the coverage of Tambayan, and overlooking the painful writing style assuming that he was just trying to impress with his intro editorial. The few columns since are.... painful.

I'm grateful again, though, to Chris for covering my friend's burger joint. It was extremely difficult to make it through the verbiage, but I did it to see what he thought, and I agree about the all American experience. The cheese is SUPPOSED to taste like plastic. It's American cheese. The way it should be.

I really like the micro-portion of this review that actually discussed, well, the food. The burgers are really good, and pretty cheap. Great people too! And I wish he'd mentioned their other location. If anyone is about to eat at Charburger when heading out to Hood River, hang a left off the exit, go a little further (bypassing Charburger) and look for Killer location #2 run by the son and daughter-in-law. Not that I don't love Charburger! Their BBQ beef and pork sandwiches are stellar!

Tommy, you're my new hero, and a genius sir. Decemberists and March Fourth. Brilliant.

Commenty Colin, Well, who's butthurt now? ;-P
To your credit, we both live up to our names. I'm Prone to Hyperbole, and you're the fellow who comments on everyone's comments about commenting, and aptly titled. I swear you stay logged in with an audio alert for every time anyone posts anything so you can pounce with a throttle or dissenting opinion or a lashing of mouth befrothed sarcasm. oops, I was channeling Onstad :-/

It's funny how some of yas are expecting yelp-like reviews here.

It's fucking food column in a free paper written by a foodie comic artist. It's going to be witty and probably a little highbrow or dare I say "conceptual".

Please proceed to Yelp if you want your usual standard fair and gratuitous exclamation points.

Keep on Keepin On(stad)

"It's fucking food column in a free paper written by a foodie comic artist. It's going to be witty and probably a little highbrow or dare I say "conceptual"."


Eh....more like a crappy supermarket romance novel, given all the purple prose. Witty, highbrow, conceptual? Not so much.


It's 80% writer-likes-sound-of-own-voice and 20% food review.


The fact that week after week, it seems, the comments are all full of talk about the writing (mostly--how bad it is) rather than whatever food is being reviewed should tell someone at the Merc that this 'food editor' might be better off writing about some other topic than food.

@13...so was mine, but after an initial bad visit, the food was comped and the next visit was much better( I would never try the peanut butter hamburger..speaking of that word, you do know that the words "vegan hamburger" are epically funny, don't you?). I agree with Purple Prozac, either review food or do something else, because this is painful to read. Any one that finds this either "witty" or "highbrow" is a) an art school graduate who is in love with their own self inflated intellect or b) someone who finds Ayn Rand brilliant.

You people are fucking morons who wouldn't know good food writing if it took a steamy shit on your face. Thank God there's someone in town who wants to encapsulate the entire dining experience in the tone, fervor, and language of their column. Most of the food writing in this city is aimed squarely at dumb shits like... well, the fuckwits who complain about "purple prose". So go fucking read those reviews and leave these amazing columns to the people who have half a brain and want to be informed, as well as entertained and yes, go figure, maybe a little challenged.

Oh, and a note to Onstad (who probably isn't reading this shit if he's smart): Maybe you should add some kind of star-rating system. Then, you can direct the dumbasses to the star-rating and the italics summary so they can get the gist without being sooooo terribly paaaiiiined by your writing because thinking smart huwts 'der widdle heads. Then they might feel like they got their money's worth because, you know, it's a FUCKING FREE PAPER!

Have any of you weirdos ever read Achewood? Not trying to troll, but I am genuinely curious…

If you have, just read these articles in Pat or Ray's "voice," and shut the fuck up.

most writers fail at trying to add flavor to restaurant reviews and still provide the objective rationale for like/dislike. i rather think this writer succeeded...

Onstad, I like your writing, but am going to have to disagree with you on this one. We waited an hour for our food and would have walked out had we not payed first. There was a whole room full of people waiting on food and they were just making them 10 at a time. The girl putting the tomato and lettuce on was high as hell, though I commend them for giving us fries and half heartedly apologizing after 45 minutes. I saw one of their staff spray cleanser and clean up half a table, which was occupied by a diner on the other half. It was lazy, half assed and tasted somehow like chemicals. Never going back here. Atmosphere meh, service shite, food suboptimal. value-low. Obviously, when you went there, they knew who you were and treated you okay. For the rest of us? Forgeddaboutit.

great, big juicy unfussy burgers...fries are good, too. this review and the comments are hilarious!