O' spring, sweet spring, such a marvelous thing
The rain goes 'way and the birds start to sing.
From out behind clouds peek the rays of the sun
"Come child," they beckon, "it's time to have fun!"
"But what do I do!?" cries the pale Portland dweller,
"I forgot how to play while cooped up in the cellar!"
The rays smile gently, and point to the hills
Where picnics sprout, and hicks eat their fill.
"The best thing to do in the warmth of my beams
Is stuff your fat face, 'til you burst at the seams.
I know you're an urbanite, but don't run and hide,
There are plenty of places to eat outside.
The day of the PATIO has finally drawn nigh
And oh dear god, so many places to try.
To decide where to eat, North, South, East, or West,
Please consult the Mercury; because they're a bunch of fat fucks."
Love, Your Friends at the Mercury
Edited by Katie Shimer and Sara Daley, written by Phil Amara, Brian Brait, Phil Busse, Lance Chess, Sara Daley, Karen Green, Wm. Steven Humphrey, Justin Sanders, Katie Shimer, and Marjorie Skinner
cover photo by chelsea mosher - guide photos by stephen voss