Hey, you're in a band and I forgot your name (all you Portland guitarists are the same to me). I was walking alone to my car one night from the bars on Mississippi and you happened to be walking not far behind me. I hadn't even noticed your presence until you spoke up to politely warn me that, "you weren't a rapist" or "creep" following me. I didn't care, I was too busy feening for a cigarette whilst lamenting on my dumb decision to spend a ridiculous amount of money for shit bone marrow that was in quantity equivalent to an artichoke leaf. I asked if you had any cigs. Then you offered me one after mentioning they were in your room, which, conveniently was about one house away. We sat on your porch until about 3 AM asking each other lame small talk questions. I later coerced you into taking me into your room and later, after drunkenly attempting to play a few guitar chords and letting you teach me how to juggle, I psychologically and existentially bombarded you and your life and then sucked your cock for literally a second and left immediately. I would like to publicly apologize. Sorry for all of that. And sorry to your roommates for the noisy late night ball-droppings on the floor. And sorry to the dude who witnessed me talking to and hugging my car at 4:30 AM like it was person (It took me 25 minutes to find). Anyways, to the guitarist, thanks for the cigarette(s) and being a gentleman.