Grow your own coffee, Mr. Lazy! Terrace some dirt along one wall of your basement apartment, keep the place nice and humid for three to five years while the plants grow, and you're set. As for roasting the beans, five minutes in the microwave oughtta do it. Bash 'em with a hammer on the sidewalk, add water, microwave again, filter through a tattered old Aerosmith t-shirt...and enjoy! Damned good coffee! And think of the money you'll save!

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies, but you know what also has caffeine and has remained remarkably cheap despite inflation? Mountain Dew.

Hey, you said you had a caffeine addiction, not a coffee addiction. You'll dumpster dive grounds, but you're too good for Mountain Dew? You know what? Fuck you.

Kind of like giving up oxys for smack because it's less expensive, eh FlavioSuave?

Same stuff, different spelling.