I was a good girlfriend. I listened to you talk about yourself and talk about yourself and talk about yourself. I was the blow job queen, and overlooked your belching hobby and the phlegm collection you kept in my sink. I will admit, I was a fucking fool. I wasted nearly 7 months of my time with your smarmy looks that were meant to be cute, cheesy texts in French that were meant to be cute, and horrible kisses. Your decent dick kept me optimistic and distracted… you tricked me real good! But juggling multiple women is not your forte. You got caught and now you will pay; I present you with the Cheater’s Curse: every time you're with a new woman your dick will go limp as a cloth doll. You won’t be able to forget this post, and your baloney pony will betray you every time. I can already see your sad face, looking down at your wilted winky like a helpless kid whose balloon floated away. Meanwhile I will be smiling to myself, knowing that you are using the same lame line you did with me when you couldn’t last: “It’s cuz you’re so hot.” Enjoy your broken boner, you scrawny, lying sack of shit.