Late October, peak of the yearly sports calendar. Fans everywhere thrilling to the key games of big-time football, pro hockey's body checks and howitzers, plus the World Series. Except in Portland. Here we're watching the conclusion of the Timbers eight month march through the American soccer backwater. And of course, getting whipped up for another good never great Blazers season. Because baseball's boring—a 95 mph pitch ripped 400 ft.—that's duller than a Sunday infomercial. And football's fucking dangerous. Meaning something more captivating than the NBA draft lottery is at stake. Donkeys get your game on.