It snowed. Not especially a bad storm compared to the rest of the world who get snow in the winter. But the universe ended here in our city.
Yeah, I know weed is legal here, and that might explain some procrastination or lack of forethought, but when it takes an average driver an hour to accomplish a 10 minute drive, you are seriously getting some shit wrong. Let me help. I’m from a state where they get an above average amount of snowfall. Weed isn’t legal, but sand and salt are, and we put it on the road, yo.
We in other states have a few pointers for you Portland, and here’s how it’s done little hippy brother.
1- Take some shitty trucks and fill them with beach sand (free). You don’t have to cover every inch of the road! Just the hills and a few dangerous corners. After which, the people without chains can drive fairly reasonbly and aren’t clusterfucking every hill and crashing.
2- You goddam pedestrians just need to stay the fuck out of the roadway. It’s a shitstorm out there and your giggling ass is stumbling through the crosswalk where A) nobody can see you through foggy windows and B) STOPPING does not come easy.
3- City vehicles, trucks, and school buses. Why the hell aren’t you carrying chains? When you go off the road, that entire stretch of road just became useless. Meaning all the cars behind said bus or truck now have to figure out how to turn around in LA style traffic. Buy some goddam chains! Thank you, The Rest of the Functioning World.