That's it. You've finally crossed the line, Portland. It's motherfucking CHRISTMAS EVE and you're gonna stiff me?!
You people are done. I'm making it my mission to make sure that you get cigarette ash on your pizza, spit it your salads, and in your drinks... Well, you get the idea.
You did this to yourselves, Portland. No tipping now puts you in the "hit list."
You do not want to be on this list.
TIP YOUR FUCKING SERVERS.