contd.

Marshall might say "I hear you saying that using your handheld
device while driving is one of the ways you meet your needs for
contributing to the well-being of your family." (for instance)

If you said he was wrong, he would generally try again. He might
guess a few times, or encourage you to try to express the need
being met in your own words. Let's assume he was right and that
the need being met was that you were contributing to the well-
being of your family. For Marshall, that might've included
taking notice of the stress you felt about the situation, etc.)

This is all called empathy. He made sure to understand your
feelings, and his genius was in helping you understand your own
feelings in terms of fundamental needs you have (and that we all
have) that were or were not being met.

You feel understood. You were meeting one of these universal,
fundamental needs by using a handheld device while driving. You
have received empathy. You have been understood.

So far, so good.

He used a curious terminology. He said that when you were able
to talk about these things in terms of your "needs" and your
"feelings", that you were talking about "what was alive in you".

When it seems clear he really understood you, he might ask if
you were ready to hear what was "alive" in him.

As you can imagine, this process might take a while, but on the
other hand you might really be ready to hear what he might say,
especially because he keeps up with the discipline of not using
blaming or judgmental language.