To the schlubby, shirtless man in short yellow shorts at Hawthorne/14th today: c'mon, man, put some clothes on!

I realize the recent sunny weather is cause for unbridled celebration, but nobody — and I mean NOBODY — wants to see you parade your pale, doughy carcass up and down the boulevard. Sorry to be such a buzzkill, but even in the extremely remote possibility that you're a male prostitute and were technically "working," please take your hustle elsewhere. Also, if you're the same guy who shows up at PDX in flip flops, a faded Jimmy Buffet t-shirt and the aforementioned short yellow shorts, you don't have to dress like a broke, degenerate gambler just because you're heading to Vegas.