Pssst: You, yes you. Did you know that with modern cell phones you can hear someone whisper? So LOWER YOUR FUCKING VOICE!
I can hear you across the store, or through the bus, or across the street. I hear you in the park. Do you yell in private conversations? I bet not. But on the phone you sound like a chainsaw.
Don’t you understand that everyone can hear you and your gibberish?
I overhear you say you just found out who Junior’s father is. Or that the court said stay 1000 feet away from schools, or that the doctor can’t diagnose the running sore on your neck, or when your PO can see you, or any of the million other private, personal, disgusting things you shout into your cell.
You get indignant about your “privacy” but you yell out the most intimate details without any thought to the volume of your voice. You, yes you, who is too shy to approach a girl, too quiet to speak up in a meeting, who won’t ask your husband to empty the dishes, who owns a shredder: You sound like you’re using a megaphone discussing your business, loudly and publicy.
Too bad your wife didn’t come again. Too bad there’s no food in the house. Too bad your druggy roommate stole your car. Too bad your boyfriend is in rehab again. Too bad your cat ran away. Too bad you got an “F” on the test. Too bad you got fired for being late. Too bad your mom has syphilis. Too bad for any of the zillion tragedies in life. But nobody cares and for sure nobody wants to hear about it.
So lower your voice, moron.