Kalah Allen

ABOUT 10 YEARS AGO, I started saving my finger and toenail clippings. At first I put them in an old Dixie cup, but when that got too full, I doubled down and kept it going, putting them into a larger mason jar. Now that jar is almost full. I've contemplated through the years what to do with them: Do I dump the contents onto (and into) the car of the asshole who parks too close to me? Do I pile them up on my jerk neighbor's porch? Do I mail them to another fucker who once pissed me off? We're talking about two huge, heaping handfuls of what many would find disgusting shavings of me. The other part is, I kinda want to be there to watch the expression of the recipient when they get them. I feel that would make my hobby complete.—Anonymous