Kalah Allen

I WAS a good girlfriend. I listened to you talk about yourself and talk about yourself and talk about yourself. I was the blowjob queen, and I overlooked your belching hobby and the phlegm collection you kept in my sink. I was a fucking fool. I wasted nearly seven months with your smarmy looks that were meant to be cute, your cheesy texts that were meant to be cute, and your horrible kisses. Your decent dick kept me optimistic and distracted... you tricked me real good! But juggling multiple women is not your forte. You got caught, and now you will pay. I present you with the Cheater’s Curse: Every time you’re with a new woman, your dick will go limp as a cloth doll. You won’t be able to forget this post, and your baloney pony will betray you every time. I can already see your sad face, looking down at your wilted winky like a helpless kid whose balloon floated away. Meanwhile, I’ll be smiling to myself, knowing you are using the same lame line you did with me when you couldn’t last: “It’s cuz you’re so hot.” Enjoy your broken boner, you scrawny, lying sack of shit.—Anonymous