Kalah Allen

BY NOW you’ve no doubt heard of Uber and their coattail-riding co-fuckers Lyft. You used to use cabs, but this is new and cheaper. Well, there are reasons why it’s cheaper. I’m a real taxi driver. You know—the few, the vetted, the licensed, the trained, the insured, the taxed, the local, the abused, the forgotten. I wouldn’t even mind the competition if they played by the same rules. But rules don’t apply when Google and Goldman Sachs are backing you. And thanks to Commissioner Turncoat, their fleet of 10,000 Washingtonians and suburban feeler-uppers are fucking up the already fucked-up traffic, living and dying by their GPSes, taking advantage of the low standards of the Oregon DMV, and taking a third or more of our income. To add insult to injury, the entire city’s cab industry just got re-vetted at our expense and additionally taxed 50 cents per fare. Is this the progressive, local-minded town it claims to be? Fuck no—that’s a myth.—Anonymous