STOP LOOKING at me with those “poor you” eyes. Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I’m a lesser person. I know you’re secretly envious of my freedom, my peace of mind, and my early retirement. Life is a series of decisions and choices. You chose to procreate and place importance on raising a human. I took the road less traveled. I truly believe neither is better than the other—until I’m made to feel judged or excluded. At which point my confidence drops, and I find myself having to stand by my decisions and reaffirm that I’m okay despite living outside of social norms. At which point I’d like to scream in your face, “Fuck off! I’m no less of a person because I decided my path to glory would be a low-stress version of your constant chaos!” And to those of you who feel childless people cannot relate to you and your human-rearing ways, know this: We do have valid opinions regarding your woes and wins, we can give you an unbiased, non-judgmental opinion, and we will be your most dependable friend.—Anonymous