Kalah Allen

To all of my neighbors, some of whom I love dearly: YOUR ADORABLE CUDDLY CATS ARE SHITTING IN MY GARDEN!! Ruining my neat rows of carrots, radishes, and lettuce! Despoiling the food that I would like to someday eat!

You are the same neighbors who are shocked at the sight of a dog turd in your parking strip, but your cats shit everywhere. I know you can’t—or won’t—do anything to solve this problem, so I won’t even bring it up as we laugh over beers and enjoy neighborly cookouts. But I want all you cat lovers to remember: If you have an outdoor cat, it’s regularly shitting in the food baskets of your neighbors and friends. —Anonymous