Kalah Allen

I swear to god, bagpiper who has been playing downtown for hours on end the last week: I will fucking hang, draw, and quarter you like William goddamn Wallace. You played “The Skye Boat Song” for an HOUR STRAIGHT on Friday. FUCK YOU. A normal busker with their fucking guitar falls away after half a block, but you somehow have the FUCKING TEMERITY to think that a square of five city blocks is just DYING to hear you play “The Skye Boat Song” FOR A STRAIGHT HOUR UNINTERRUPTED. FUCK YOU. THE WORLD HAS NO OBLIGATION TO BE YOUR AUDIENCE. Find a fucking empty field. Better yet, go run headlong at Her Majesty the Queen while blaring “Scotland the Brave,” your stupid goddamn Utilikilt flared up, your junk shivering in the wind, and get yourself killed by those guards with the silly hats, you selfish, inconsiderate McFuckwit.—Anonymous