Kalah Allen

You took a sharp object and scratched my car from stem to stern. WHY??? It’s not an SUV, a BMW, a Jaguar, a Prius, or anything fancy. It’s not new. It was legally parked. It was close to the curb, not in a bike lane. It bears no bumper stickers professing any configuration of family or religion or memberships. Yes, I’m a middle-aged woman, and everybody hates my kind—but I wasn’t even driving that day. The guy who drove my car to Burger Week festivities and parked it where you could deface it bears an astounding resemblance to Santa Claus. Why did you key Santa’s car??? Some of the key action is quite deep—signifying some kind of rage—but I didn’t cheat on you, or fire you, or give you a bad grade, the most common car-vandalism scenarios. It happened in Southeast, where people have smashed windows of cars and businesses and slashed tires and taught Nike a tough lesson about their goddamn orange bikes. You may not be one of those more ambitious vandals, but, again: WHY??? What is the payoff for such an incoherent, brutish, cowardly gesture? My question is WHY???—Anonymous