"Free peanuts, coupons, stickers, and provide photo opportunities with Mr. Peanut himself!"

STRUGGALOS IN THE STRUGGLE

RE: "Endorsement News: Fish Supports Wheeler! Juggalos Support Sponberg?" [Blogtown, March 8]. Dirk VanderHart's post about local political endorsements noted the "Juggalos for Jesse Sponberg" Facebook page, which, "Beyond misspelling its purported candidate's name... features a bunch of magnet jokes and clown-makeup Photoshopping."

Our boy is down with the clown and stands up 4 juggalo issues. We mad proud that Jessalo accept our endorsement, and we honered he said our work was "some next level shit." F'real motherf*cker.

We got alot of work to do 2 get this motherf*cker in the white house. We need a mayor that aint afraid to pull some dark carnival shit, who talk about chemtrails, and stand up to the Social Justice Warriors who hijak our struggle 4 social justice. We need a motherf*cker who's ready to stab taxes in the throat and magnetize a movement. We need 2 get our 'los and 'lettes 2gether to get this ninja into the debates and get his a** like 10 faygos.

We struggalos in the struggle. And in the name of the faygo, the clown, and the dark carnival we approve this message. Abra-ca-stabra, hocus-chokus, amen.

posted by JuggalosForJesseSponberg

SCALPED

RE: "People Got Mad When They Couldn't Buy Dave Chappelle Tickets" [Blogtown, March 11], Ned Lannamann's story about the Aladdin Theater's security measures to discourage scalped tickets for Dave Chappelle's upcoming appearances in Portland.

That's awesome that the Aladdin is taking this pretty simple step of requiring IDs to cut down on the scourge of scalpers. Of course it won't cut out 100 percent of them, but it should hopefully get rid of the out-of-town scalping empires and the 'bots. I REALLY wish more Portland venues would do this. (It'd suck for those who genuinely bought tix and then got sick or had to leave town, but maybe we could agree not to bitch about those situations too much for the greater societal good of killing the scalping trade.)

posted by E Bex

THE STARGATE PROGRAM

RE: "You're Wrong About That!" [Returning Column!, March 9], Francine Colman-Gutierrez's column about things you're wrong about. In last week's installment, Colman-Gutierrez informed you that you were wrong about not wanting to vote for "Hillary Clinton solely on her promise to declassify UFO files."

As president, Bill Clinton made an attempt to learn if the US Government had any conclusive information about UFOs. He was rebuffed. The National Security Act of 1947 holds the secretary of defense to be unaccountable to the president on matters of national security. Look it up. Hillary knows this full well. She's full of shit, as usual. The only way to possibly get disclosure from the US Government about UFOs, extraterrestrials, and/or inter-dimensional beings is for Congress to amend the National Security Act.

posted by Ida Knowles

MR. PEANUT!

Hello Portland Mercury!

Mr. Peanut and his 26-foot-long peanut on wheels, the Planters NUTmobile (photo attached), are visiting Portland this week as we SHELL-ebrate Mr. Peanut's 100th birthday! We'll be taking part in local events throughout the week, where we'll hand out free peanuts, coupons, stickers, and provide photo opportunities with Mr. Peanut himself!

We invite you to share the event information with your readers and/or stop by to see the inside the NUTmobile and meet Mr. Peanut!

• Wednesday, March 16, 10 am-noon, Cherry Blossom Cottage Assisted Living Facility, 11177 SE Cherry Blossom
• Thursday, March 17, 4-5 pm, All-Ireland Cultural Society St. Patrick's Day Festival, 1333 NE MLK
• Friday, March 18, noon-3 pm, Portland Roadster Show, 2060 N Marine
• Saturday, March 19, 2-4 pm, Oaks Amusement Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park

Thank you,

Kayla Schmidt
Planters Peanutter/Brand Ambassador

This is, without a doubt, the single greatest email the Mercury has ever received, and Kayla Schmidt handily wins the Mercury's letter of the week! Kayla, enjoy your two tickets to Portland's Laurelhurst Theater—where Mr. Peanut, should he accompany you to a film (do you guys, like... hang out?), should probably remove his top hat before sitting down in front of anybody.