whitehouse.gov

MICHELLE OBAMA IS ALWAYS BUSY

RE: $25 million.

CONGRATULATION DEAR BENEFICIAL.

I am Mrs.Michelle Obama and I am here to inform you about your Bank Check Draft that was brought by United Embassy from the government of Benin Republic to the white house Washington DC and has been mandated to be deliver to your address on Friday being May 6th 2016 as soon as you get back to me with your below information.

Home address:________________________________

City:__________________________________________

Phone number:________________________________

Your check is containing the sum of $25 million USD.

Here is my number.(+13097530145) you can call me or send me an sms, but i prefer sms because I'm always busy and i cant be able to pick calls all the time.I will be waiting to hear from you immediately, thanks and God bless you.

Sincerely
Mrs.Michelle Obama
First Lady


MARVEL'S AGENTS OF F.E.E.L.S.

RE: "Iron Man and Captain America Hurt Each Other's Widdle Feewings in Civil War" [Film, May 4], Wm. Steven Humphrey's review of Captain America: Civil War. "The American Civil War still hangs heavy over current political and race relations (oh, hello, Mississippi state flag), which is why I'm not all that comfortable tossing the term around so loosely," Humphrey wrote. "After all, they're not making movies called Captain America: Trail of Tears."

Shouldn't use the term "civil war"?!? Too soon? Wounds too fresh? Captain America: War of 1812 or Captain America: Revolutionary War would be better? Way to nitpick over a term that means war between two sides of the same nation. "Trail of Tears" refers to a single event, while "civil war" refers to many. Your review didn't tell me whether or not to see Captain America [Yes it did, liar.—Wm. Steven], it only told me never to read a review written by you. Just tell me if the movie was good or not! Don't put your weird baggage out there for me to make fun of you all day. Offended by the words "civil war"?!? Jesus Christ! Way to fight the good fight! Do you wake up offended? It's people like you that make stupid people vote for Trump.

Chris Dowling


A THEATER... OF DREAMS

RE: "A Commentary on Dream Theater's Magnum Opus" [Music, May 4], in which Ned Lannamann, Aris Hunter Wales, Morgan Troper, and Ciara Dolan listened to all two hours and 10 minutes of prog-rock band Dream Theater's sci-fi rock opera The Astonishing. "It's basically one long power ballad stitched together with some blippy-bloop science-fiction noises, quadruple kick drums, and sterile musicianship," the piece began, noting the album sounds like "the haunted castle level of a video game," "the interrogation scene in Star Wars," and a "technofart."

I think all four of you went into this with the wrong mindset. This album is supposed to be appreciated for both its musical AND theatrical aspects. [Dream Theater founder] John Petrucci even said himself, "Right from the beginning, we talked about all the various incarnations of this—the story, the two-act album, presenting this as a standalone live show, and then even other things beyond that that it can turn into, whether it be a book or a game or a movie, etc." In my opinion, you are looking at this album from a very closed-minded perspective. You can't just sit there and tell me that songs like "The Answer" and "Chosen" are not beautiful pieces. In fact, they had me in tears when I saw them live a couple of weeks ago. The musicianship is anything but "sterile." In fact, most musical passages in this album break the molds of modern-day pop and are extremely creative and innovative (hence the term PROGRESSIVE). It is quite evident that you are much more interested in making fun of little details in the album rather than examining the beauty of it as a whole. Commentators like you who place more value on music that you can "dance to" or "fist-pump to" aren't qualified to review something like this, which is obviously not intended for such a purpose. I hope Katy Perry releases a new record real soon so that you all have something to fawn over. Until then, leave the real music to the real critics.

The Count of Tuscany

Your excellency, you honor us with your letter! Should you and your retinue ever see fit to leave the beauty of Tuscany to visit our humble city, we hereby gift you two tickets to the Laurelhurst Theater. Might we be so bold to suggest, your excellency, that you offer your extra ticket to Michelle Obama, who also reads the Mercury? No doubt you would find much to discuss, such as matters of state, or how Dream Theater makes you cry.