My Little Pony: The Movie

2017 | 104 minutes | Rated PG

Hasbro is a giant company that makes toys for children. One of their most popular are the Transformers. In 2007 a bad man named Michael Bay was put in charge of making movies about the Transformers, and he’s since dedicated his entire life to summoning forth an ever-swirling hurricane of cinematic dogshit that—even at its friendliest—is 100% inappropriate for the kids these increasingly ugly fucking toys are (ostensibly) manufactured for. Somehow, Hasbro’s other major property, My Little Pony, has escaped such a hell. Sure, there was that weird “Brony” thing from a couple years ago, but that’s mostly dead now. This movie is just a simple animated film about magical multicolored talking horsies. That’s it. There won’t be any decapitations, dismemberments, pissing, robo-testicles, or laminated cards promoting statutory rape anywhere in the film. Just singing cartoon ponies. And rainbows. That’s it. Promise.

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Film Credits
Director
Jayson Thiessen
Cast
Emily Blunt, Kristin Chenoweth, Liev Schreiber, Michael Peña, Sia, Taye Diggs, Uzo Aduba, Zoe Saldana, Ashleigh Ball, Andrea Libman, Tabitha St. Germain, Tara Strong, Cathy Weseluck