Bruce Willis is exactly who you expect him to be, Mary-Louise Parker is your annoying drunk aunt who grabs your boyfriend's ass beneath the Thanksgiving table, and John Malkovich puts on funny hats, contorts his face like a stroke victim, and mourns the days he was one of America's great actors. Red 2 is fantasy porn for the AARP, who long for a future where knees don't ache and movies that don't reduce them to cartoon characters. Good luck with that.